Light-Black Frame.

2005-07-24T13:17:00.000+08:00

The most basic questions.
Again.
Not because of some cliche drama influences, but...

.What is love?
.How do you love God?
.How do you love others?

I have to think about these questions.
No wonder I felt a little nudge.

Revelation Chapter 2
" 2 I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars: 3 And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name's sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted. 4 Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love."

King James Version. Cheem eh? :)
---

Anyway, some shout outs :

Gracie - Everything would be fine, yeap? Grueling life may be, but His love sustains. I love you.
Evie - It's so nice to see you all the time.:) I'm always thankful that you're around. May your hunger for Him increase.(yay!)
Weelian - I'm so proud of you, really. Thank you for always understanding and showing deep interest in higher things. You're such a dear and encouragement.
Anna - God has been so good to me, having you planned to come into my life as a wonderful best friend. I know you'll be able to get by the horrid As, surely. :) You know I love you.
Shihui - Thank you for being such a wonderful companion. :) It brightens up my day when we talk about how faithful Daddy is amidst the thick smell of oilpaints and turpentine vapours.:) Take good care of your health and like what your mommy said, have faith!
Dru, my (crappy) shepherd - Thank you for your efforts, your guidance, for playing the guitar, encouragement and for hanging on and keeping the cell going. :) You're wonderful!
Gideon - I'm proud of your zeal, and how you've been making effort of keeping in touch with our cell members. Stick close to Him. He'll lead you to greater heights and make you someone that you can never imagine yourself to be. Thanks Giddy, for being there. :)

Okay, enough of mushy-mushies. :)
Anyway, I shan't plan to sneak away quietly or something.
I've been thinking (and really procrastinating) for a long time
That I should get a new blog or something for some simple reasons:
1) The lay-out sucks.
2) I didn't mean "China" as "Zhong Guo" lar, but as "bone china". I was like "wah-lau" when Alvin said "Zhong1 Guo2 Li4 Li4".
3)I'm a coward and I want to hide my thoughts away from some people.
4)I want a place where I can be more open with my thoughts without anonymous cowards typing &^@*%!%^&$%#!^ in my tagboard.

So I'll keep some of you guys informed of any new blog-address if I
Were to have a new one, yep? You can ask it from me as well, if you bother. :)
Take care, wabadoos!

2005-07-18T22:59:00.000+08:00

Goodbye, George.

2005-07-17T00:25:00.000+08:00

i scolded the f-word in my dream.

2005-07-11T00:07:00.000+08:00

Enough of this pain, because I'm probably what I am.
He's my fortress, my refuge and shield.
I'll look to You, I'll try to, at least.
Because its not Your fault.
You're deserving,
And You're the Doctor who loves sinners.

2005-07-10T02:47:00.000+08:00

Every inch of the skin,
Spells Your wonderful craft.
Every line, what time does,
Every fold and their distributions,
Your brillant creativity.
Every vein,capillary,artery,
Life blood flows.
Every muscle,to walk or to leap,
Your gift of mobility & movement.

2005-07-08T01:03:00.000+08:00

Always breathing,
But never really living.

2005-07-05T22:35:00.000+08:00

If I were just an ordinary flower,
Somewhere in the corner of this world,
I would rather be picked up to die in Your admiration,
And be in Your hands and mind always,
Than to sway in the wind
And have never come to know You at all.

2005-07-04T22:35:00.000+08:00

oh i hate you, I**.

2005-07-04T22:30:00.000+08:00

myheadfeelslikeanoysterthatyoudesperatelydigforfromtheOr-luak.
thesimilaritiesofthemarebeingbothsoft,tender,juicy,
andveryverysmall.

2005-07-04T00:47:00.000+08:00

Dwell
Dwell in the midst of us

Come and dwell in this place

Dwell in the midst of us

Come and have Your way

Dwell in the midst of us

Wipe all the tears from our faces

Dwell in the midst of us

You can have Your way (Vamp - You can have Your way)

Not our will, but Yours be done

Come and change us

Not our will, but Yours be done

Come sustain us

2005-07-03T01:16:00.000+08:00

I'll be this mad woman,
sucking a lollipop
In my denim top and skirt,
pulling out bloody creeps off the walls,
Next to a hospital,
With every driver and passenger looking,
And hopping in fury when i fail.

I saw her, and I thought that was cool.

2005-07-03T00:15:00.000+08:00

Ah L**n says: i WilLz dWinKz 7-elEbEn bEeg gUlP eBerieDaEz bEcUs sLyslYvester sAes iTs cOol aNd gOtch tAufiQ sUmmOre leiZz~!*~**~~~ ^-^ \/

blahargahz.

2005-06-29T21:27:00.000+08:00

I am bored to cheese-fried golden peanuts.
I'm a praupe.
If you don't know what praupe means,
If you do, please let me know as well.
Acidic tongue,
Way out of music,
A plane flew by.
(y)our love is so conditional,
It's getting so frustrating,
Trying to score.

I want a nice tattoo,
A nice and big SpongeBob Squarepants Sticker Tattoo.
Fans are geniuses, despite of what the heckabaroo you say.
(Spits blue slime.)

2005-06-26T02:34:00.000+08:00

You've held these filthy hands of mine,
Placed them gently upon Your heart.
I can feel the heartbeat of the Lord,
The Love so fine, that will not part.

You've washed these dirty feet of mine.
They've trodden along paths of sin.
Washed thoroughly to the color of fleece,
You told me to put on them Your Gospel of Peace.

Take my hand & lead me there,
To bring Hope to the world which was never fair.
Put in me Your very Word,
I'll be a herald of the Love which cleanses all hurts.

You've opened my eyes which once were blind,
I look to You, this peace I can find.
Let me look at life through the eyes of God,
The Mercy on all man which they forgot.

You've spoken to me,
Through Your Book of Love.
Drown out the lies and worldly corruptions.
I can hear Heaven for the first time,
For so long I've been covered with confusions.

Put in me visions and speak to me.
Give me directions to my destiny.
Hold me close, O'Lord of intimacy,
I long to be with You,
As Your presence makes me free.

2005-06-26T02:04:00.000+08:00

Your Word sets the song
My feet will dance to Your beat.
There's freedom and strength so much,
I can dance to the highest peak.
I don't know why but I can find
What I need in the words You speak.
So Lord lift me higher
As I take my first leap.
Jesus, You've planned and perfected my Faith
Your Spirit is the music
& the Truth is that You save.
Oh Lord, make me deaf to
Mockeries at my "dignity",
Cause I'm dancing for the One,
The One they've yet to see.
Your Hope is the Rhythm,
Each step's closer to Your Kingdom.
Though the way to Your cross isn't an easy route,
Lord, help us, as we want to bear Your fruits.
Jesus, You've planned and perfected my Faith.
Your Spirit is the music
& the Truth that You save.
Set the pace, Oh Lord, as with You I'll run this race.
I'll be dancing for Your Glory
Till the day I see Your face.

2005-06-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

God is just so amazing.

Window views.
Praise Him.

2005-06-20T13:28:00.000+08:00

I had a thought,
But I lost it.
I learnt how to dance in my dream,
Woke up and tried it,
But our body just won't work that way.
Sweet, Silly & USELESS.
Just Sweet-wrapper,
Ornament.
It was Chinese.
Something about Playing under the Moonlight.

2005-06-11T00:28:00.000+08:00

Just go away, everyone.
But wait..

2005-06-06T20:57:00.000+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-05-29T00:47:00.000+08:00

I hate being left here empty and stained.
I hate keeping this secret.
I hate it when nobody understand my pain.
I hate it because I don't take courage.
I hate it when I cry alone because there's noone to tell to,
I hate it when I pray desperately to God to just take it away,
Like every other night when it happens.
I couldn't show them how much I want to meet them,
To show my love for them,
and to give excuses or cold shoulders
Which breaks my heart.
I'm an animal trapped in a electric cage.
It breaks me because you don't comprehend.
Finally I cry.

2005-05-24T22:44:00.000+08:00

2005-05-23T02:21:00.000+08:00

I think I'm getting good
At bringing trouble.
Skewing both yours and mine.
No one knew this secret play.
No applauses.
Maybe the quiet glee.
So, hee hee (?),
and weeeee (?).

2005-05-22T00:19:00.000+08:00

Healthy Conversation.

2005-05-18T00:18:00.000+08:00

sleep is g o o d.
i haven't been willing to wake up at all.
sleeper's d i s m a y.

morning calls and electronics.
ptooi.

2005-05-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

Triumphant.

this was what happened when weelame won the minesweepers flags...

what's even better is the fact that i lost to a first-timer.

go ahead, laugh.

2005-05-14T21:08:00.000+08:00

Some pretty cool day it is.
it was nice seeing the CHIJtp girls again, somehow.
had a nice morning and all that,
this funny 3-man cell group again
and chats.
Speeches-boredom and hunger aside.
was happy in the casting room alone
cos i didn't know what to say or who to talk to.
so with the flutters of newspapers and fans,
i stoned.
yeap.only to come out again
speaking to those who i wanted to speak to.
mom took me away so no detaining,
had an okay dinner treat
and home.
and some very sweet ice-cream.
sigh.
someone tape my mouth please.
the wall's name is "insecurity".

2005-05-08T00:35:00.000+08:00

materialism.
i bought a pick.
i'm so happy.
but i don't even play the guitar.
its not for me.
it costs only 60 cents, you know.
i think i'll get five more.
but i don't know why.

2005-05-08T00:18:00.000+08:00

ForyouI'llbethisbroken-hornbull,crashingmywayintothechinastore.

2005-05-03T22:44:00.000+08:00

It's been a crazy & tiring day, Jesus.
I need to sleep in Your Holy Presence.

2005-05-02T01:16:00.000+08:00

blow.why.
7hr4bd74n2391mxndetpeagaej0nhw732.
thefloodgatescomecrashingdownonhorsesandlampposts
neondashesofsticksandplasticreality.
breakmeuponthisrockinthemidstoftheoblivioncrowd
iwillstillfeelcoldwithhisblackleatherjacketoverme,
ohyesshininginthedullnessofthenightwiththerain
puddlesapplausingwhileiwasteaway.
lookhowtheylovemelookhowtheyloveme.
theydotheydotheyreallydo.
soithrewmysensoryneuronesintotherubbishdump18feetaway
andpretendedthattherewaslove.allifeltnowistheperception
ofrainwateroffmybrowsintomymouth.
anewsreportthenextdaysaysofatrafficjamwithoutglazingoverme
thecausewasn'tsaidtheweatherexplainedbythesweetweathergirlbeingpaid
tosmile.andthereisn'tanymortalmanwhowouldcometakethelimpmassaway
tonurselikeanwoman,notlikeahospitalnurse,butlikesomethingmorespecial
thanamothertogivelifeagain.

2005-05-01T15:23:00.002+08:00

hushshutupyourepresentmyfreedomto

2005-05-01T15:23:00.001+08:00

hushshutupyourepresentmyfreedomto

2005-04-28T23:30:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry.
Somehow I feel that it I haven't been rooted,
I would have backslidden. Because of you.
Seeing the kind of p__t you hold in that a___a,
And perhaps lacking the ability to comprehend the fallibility
Of all men,
I probably would have.
But Oh well, I see His mercy on you.
It is like riding a rollercoaster.
On some days, it's a joy, a thrill,
On others, boring.
And frequent unwanted discomforts caused by your child-like
Outrage. Mule.
I'm very sick of all these.
Don't find excuses for yourself to brush away repentance or what not.
Transparency is what I look for.
If you don't like something about anything,
Speak up. Why can't we talk it over?
And so you behave like one lacking of maturity,
I put down my pride for the chase.
What do I get in the end?
Love is His command.
I wish you would get down on your knees, now.
And maybe leave me alone and spare me a thought or two.

2005-04-24T19:05:00.000+08:00

Post dedicated to alot of people.Can I tell you something?
I really enjoyed myself that day.
I wish to bring everything home.
So dreamish. & I realised that I've forgotten to do so.
And although I was silent, I know I was still visible.
I wish I wasn't, cause I want to see everyone go by.
I said that it was a good day to die.
Because I love it the way it was. Everything was good.
So why won't it end that way?
Again & again you were beautiful.
I wish to speak to you(plural).
But I miss you so much that all that came out was silence.
I'll be praying for you that when the time comes,
We'll be in this eternal place.
I want to tell you that you are amazing,
Though you have landed me into junk before but...
You're just wonderful to talk to.
How big is your capacity to love?
Can you tell me?
As I question like a child of hows, whats and whys?
Hush and be patient.
One day everybody shall close their eyes and sleep,
With full understanding of love.
Where busy streets threaten to crush us beneath their wheels
But we just won't care.
Just hold my hands.
How does that look like me?
Tell me because I want to find my value in you.
Can we all curl up together?
In our repose we shall breathe in God.
Can we all have no words for a moment?
Just smiles, and the purest touch?
May I command that?
May I have that?
God, will you make it all possible,
For all of us, Your children?

2005-04-18T17:16:00.000+08:00

The 2nd last post gave people
Some strange ideas.
Oh c'mon.
The secret is a mental state.
Nothing else.

2005-04-17T12:58:00.000+08:00

blessingsturnintopoisonpillsprozacaspirinandpurplehills.
help.

2005-04-16T23:33:00.000+08:00

I've got a secret.
A secret that I want to share.
But I can't cause I won't.
That means I can but I don't.
I wish to tell you, my big sh**h*rd.
Yeap. If only you would ask...

2005-04-11T22:36:00.000+08:00

"But if your heart is set on serving God,
and somebody falls in love with God inside of you,
he will continue to love you forever because God
will reside in you forever."

from "The Divine Dance" by Shannon Kubiak.

2005-04-07T16:34:00.000+08:00

Shibboleth \SHIB-uh-lith; -leth\, noun:
1. A word or pronunciation that distinguishes a particular
class or set of persons from another.
2. A word or saying identified with a group or cause; a
slogan; a catchword.
3. A saying or belief identified with a particular group and
usually regarded by outsiders as meaningless or untrue.
4. A custom, practice, behavior, etc. regarded as distinctive
of a particular group.

Shibboleth is from Hebrew shibboleth, "stream, flood," from
the use of this word in the Bible ([7]Judges 12:4-6) as a test
to distinguish Gileadites from Ephraimites, who could not say
'sh' but only 's' as in 'sibboleth'.

2005-04-06T19:53:00.000+08:00

You're the one who close my eyes from the ugliness of this very world,
Leaving fresh blood upon my forehead with each and every kiss.

2005-04-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

All thanks to Nicholas Tan Zhiyang,
Who has christened me "TWITCHY LITTLE MIDGET"
One fine day at the bus stop.
And since then, his slightly taller bestfriend
Has been deriving all the pleasures he needs by singing this new song to me:

(in the same tune as Itsy-bitsy spider.)
"Twitchy little midget, climbing up the wall..."

& when he decided to be more cruel, he changed "Twitchy" into the B-word.

I don't have suctions pads, and...

"Twitchy little midget, is crying on the floor..."

Boo.

2005-04-03T01:34:00.000+08:00

My love she prays for angels to come
To hold us safe
I asked for yellow flowers to grow
In dreary caves.
That every soldier would come home
From the death invaded fields.
To walk among the dandelions
On the cool, green hills.
She hopes to see a vision of affection
Infront of every car
On the on-going traffic of life
And the redman replaced by a heart.
That car crashes never happened,
That smokes are never spewed.
Carried by something or someone,
And honks are not disputes.
They say praises and admiration
Whenever they whispered.
And no spirit feels alone,
For the longing they have stirred.
My love she prays for angels to come
To hold us safe
I asked for yellow flowers to grow
In dreary caves.

2005-04-01T21:27:00.000+08:00

Lord.
am I suppose to take this and drink it up?
appeared to be?
am?
I don't think it's is high above the hurdle.
There's no one left.

2005-03-31T23:26:00.000+08:00

Dumb ulcers.
Dumb homework.
Dumb everything.
Dumb me.
I'm so boiled.
I sneezed a pigeon away.

2005-03-28T22:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I can't help but get peeved and disappointed with you, you pragmatic peever.
Through and throughed.
But somehow I hope that one day you would see.
Wasted my time and pride.

Oh! Anyway.
Hurrah for ex-KoRn guitarist Brain Welch
Who has just given his life to Jesus Christ!

I don't care if you're peeved by his conversion. I'm just too happy
to be bothered with anyone's "Hail, Satan".
No prejudices, but stop being a poseur lah.

2005-03-26T23:09:00.000+08:00

The Red Thread.

PesachPassover

We've been spared because of the Blood of the Lamb.
The day has come and the keys are in His hands.

The Temple was destroyed and rebuilded in three days.

Alleluia.

2005-03-22T17:54:00.000+08:00

i promise myself that i'll never again f__d a ___son like you.
i promise myself that i'll never t___at __h__s the way you _r___ed me.
someone never as ___t_r and ___l as you.
i thought i saw ___.

no.
NO.

Time to be under the right yoke.

2005-03-22T13:02:00.000+08:00

Block tests.

I'm a frog.
I'm gonna pop.

-Pops.-

My innards flopped.

*screams.*

2005-03-17T00:50:00.000+08:00

I'm one of those bubblegum crap.
the sort of those who haven't found themselves yet.
the old dude at the bar told me "the discovery is sweet,"
but I can see that he's been smokin' and is drunk.
he haven't "discover" that his self-made void made him the way it is.
the void for an excuse, is to motivate.
but that dying wood, i dare not question, "how can your strength
be your darn weariness at the same time?"
I lit a fag and puffed with him.
took a sip of liquor.
I found nothing.
you're crap, too,
i told him,
just older, and more exquisite.

2005-03-11T23:19:00.000+08:00

marry>me>madness>you>
spitbox>spitting>
magical>wonders>
from>your>realistic>angulars>>> HALT.

2005-03-10T18:33:00.000+08:00

The Valley Song (Sing of Your Mercy)
by Jars Of Clay

You have lead me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On my back, bruised and nearly broken
I'm crying out to You

[chorus]
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death, like a gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek Your face

But I fear You aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that is Yours

[chorus]
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground, using our hands
To cover the fatal cut

Though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

2005-03-07T00:02:00.000+08:00

all you gotta do is to tap your palette knife in frustration.
think about the ocean, tying an anchor to ankle,
calling water to the fiery hell your home.
throw.
and go home, to your new world in the fiery depths
of a mad wailing singer.
the anthem calls a close to the channel.
screaming mad men and women
crying with there fingers
squinting and profuse silent desperation
on the list waiting, perhaps not waiting.
selective.
off to sing my common song.
common soup.
it fooled my eyes.
so drink.

2005-03-06T14:37:00.000+08:00

2005-03-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

Accursed with this set of traits,
With vatic comments from observers.
A crave for fecund imaginations,
A craze for outrageous experiences.
Oh, the caterwaul between my Id and Super Ego.
Resulted in a corpulent head of uselessness.
I have to shake it off.
Nay, thus disagreeing.

2005-03-03T15:07:00.000+08:00

Twenty-thousandth Robotic No-more.
.
twenty-thousandthroboticno-more.
.
TWENTY-THOUSANDTH ROBOTIC NO-MORE.
.
TWENTY-THOUSANDTHROBOTICNOMORE.
.
TwEnTy-ThOuSaNdTh RoBoTic No MoRe.
.
tWeNtY-tHoUsAnDtH rObOtIc nO mOrE.
.
Make me a free man.

2005-03-01T22:44:00.000+08:00

I think this is unnecessary, excessive, a move without a proper purpose.
Don't switch faces.
Cause I hate the look of it.
Common sense. Everything's surface. I can't be bothered to lament over this truth
Cause I'm abit too old and I should be over this stage.
Love due to duty.
I don't really care.
Don't tell me nonsense or go two rounds three rounds about it.
Instead of teaching me to sit nicely in a good shape suitable enough to be
Stuck down in your dinosaurs and cavemen stickerbook, you can forget about it.
Teach me, instead, to accept what is in me, sour.
You don't understand my reactions, retortions, cynical responses, how I detest
Insincere laughter and lame entertainment to make me forgive you, nailing the
Word "Naive" right onto my forehead.
Let's just say that Pretty-Beard Spencer has lost Dogma along with his memory
And let's pelt a handful of bulldung or two at this Pragmatic Pooper.
This is war.

2005-02-27T23:18:00.000+08:00

And suddenly, I'm reminded of so many of my fears...

How you can believe in who I am over a few glasses, between two "established" persons.
(I recall the first day of helplessness when I shivered infront of my easel.)
How you told me that my weakness is in my low confidence level.
(I haven't found out who I'll be willing to turn to, concerning my phobia, clinical or not.)
I said, I'm afraid.
(I could almost swear that I would just die infront of you.)
And you claimed to be able to see my potential.
(I think of the many in my studio as I slaved through another three-hours worth of toil only to achieve average.)
You want to help me still?
Let's meet up, you said.
(I'm not too sure if I'll be able to swallow.)

2005-02-27T11:18:00.000+08:00

A Tribute to The Psychotic "W".

Infantile Sexuality? So much for Freudian theories, "W". :)

2005-02-23T23:51:00.000+08:00

When we sing to God that we'll lay down our lives into His hands,
It doesn't mean that you'll fall into this bed of roses.
To me, it's giving God full control of your life, and still keeping
The Faith no matter what happens, and to allow Him to use me in whichever
Areas He so desires.
In the future, I could:
Lose my abilities,
Become poor,
Lose my loved-ones,
Suffer from a bad heartbreak
etc...

But because life on earth is just a flicker of light, we are all waiting
To go home, where our righteous ABBA will reward us accordingly.
We will be restored.
We will have imperishable treasures.
We will be united with our brothers & sisters.
And live in the presence of God forever.

Christ is Just.

2005-02-20T21:30:00.000+08:00

I hope that I'ld already have forgiven you before I die.
I hope that you'ld be saved before you die.

Shit.
You bad mouther who twist every speech of others,
Adding dirt to what everyone say.
Because you have an abundance of dirt in your gaping face hole
THUS,
Whatever comes out stinks.
I hope you'll take some time outta your jealous vain attempts.
Just look into the mirror and
R.E.F.L.E.C.T.

Pee.
Have I ever said that I can paint?
Get a life, hold a hundred bucks infront of me
And make me finish an acrylic A3,
Then I'll show you what DADA is.
Maybe you'll even be mad at me for having the
AUDACITY to call it DADA.

Spit.
Don't get so shittishly jealous over who I converse with.

2005-02-16T00:27:00.000+08:00

Question my mood.

Eat my fist.

2005-02-13T22:20:00.000+08:00

Valentine's Day.

If you want me to get really lame,
like strumming an Ah Niu's "dui mian de nu hai" on the guitar before
telling someone to "Wait. Please cut along the dotted line."
You can forget about it.

Or expect me to happily go look for you,
So as to fill in the blank for a while,
Nay.

Oh, of great substitutions and plastic helium balloons,
Get off.

Tomorrow.
is.
SHOPPING DAY!!!

A DAY, about Myself. Only. Or yea, my meanie too.
Specs, shoes, bag...Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.............
No way,
I won't like cry over being a member of the so-called "Splinster Club"
Ling was talking about. Or like, die die crave for whatever the media says
We ought to have.
Because...

God.
Is Love.
And I have Love in me.
He loves me.
He makes me complete.

His gift of love?
Jesus.
And uncountable blessings.
Like, you, you, you and you.
-winks-

2005-02-13T15:52:00.000+08:00

I=human.
I=fear.

2005-02-11T23:42:00.000+08:00

Can't beeeelieve it, marn.
Three.
Painfully.
Slow.
Hours,
Marn.
Of
Forced,
detained,
Crappadillos,
And
A
Million
Contemplations
of
Skippadillios.
A
Shut
Artfriend.
Pissifiable
People.
Bloodshot
Gollys.
And
a
Jab.
Ouch.

2005-02-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year.

Is a time to feel sad for myself.

"Ivy ar! How come you still haven't grow taller?"

Me: "Huh, cannot already lar..."

"Can one! Jump more! Still have chance one! Still have a little time left."

Me:" I stopped growing one year ago leh, now only can progress horizontally liao lor."

Somehow, no one seemed to get the point? These questions, are.so.frequent.
When it comes to receiving red packets...

"Vyvy/vie/Ah B ar, zhu ni kuai gao zhang da! (Get taller and older soon.)"

Like hello...? I'm 18? And I really can't grow any taller?
Not that they don't know, but they are waiting to like laugh after seeing that...pain on my face.
All the above aren't too bad already.
I got this super long arrow with lethal poison shot into my forehead today.

My cousin came to squeeze my arms a few times.
"Wah!!! So fat!
You know what you look like or not?
Like woman who just gave birth and is doing confinement that kind!"

To put it simply enough even for am idiotic dumb arse to understand:
Ivy is as fat as an auntie who has given birth.
No, he didn't just stop there.

"Don't eat this. Go eat fruits! They are full of calories!"
"Go exercise!"
"Actually you shouldn't be sitting down while using the computer you know?
You should stand! Then you won't get fat so easily!"

And my cousin's dog took my abdomen as a really comfortable waterbed, landing its cute lil' bum on it again and again because I'm as good as a flabby cushion.

I guess angpows are good for buying Slim 10 afterall.

2005-02-08T01:19:00.000+08:00

nessa needs me to get her ready for a joke.
"Nessa, I'm gonna say a joke. Are you ready? 1, 2, 3..."

kairong, has his feet crafted beautifully big. -grins-
"excuse me, do you have size 11/12 for this...?"
Sales person: "No." (for the don't know how many-th time.)
...and has zero faith in me.
"Can I paint your dunks?"
"NO! BUT I LIKE IT! I LIKE IT! I LIKE IT!"
Revenge: a good cardboard box hit right onto the specs.

edward, can be an irritant yet sweet, gentlemanly.
-Got pricked by cactuses. Poor thing.
-Delibrately lugged an IKEA bag.
-Refused to finish the meatballs.
-Loves cheesecakes.

kaiwei.
-Cold.
-Cold.
-Sinful palate.
-Cold?
-Cold?
"I can't hear you, WHAT???!!!"

weekiat, the dying grouch who told me
"I WILL NEVER PAY YOU!"
"NO WAY."

Queensway, Ikea.

"Valentines for me, is all about friends.
I will think of each and everyone of you...and thank God for all of you...

NOT!"

2005-02-03T16:29:00.000+08:00

For how long?

Will I still be able to walk home under the train tracks?

Not too long.

2005-02-02T21:02:00.000+08:00

Fever. Too much art.

Ivy says:
yellow
Wee says:
yellow indeed
Ivy says:
yellow the sky is
Ivy says:
and ur lobster phone rang "green green"
Ivy says:
and u picked it up and said "yellow?"
Wee says:
and the person on the dne of e line told me he needed someone to talk to. he was feeling kinda blue
Ivy says:
i told u "i purplely call you one." and you told me "call black later"
Wee says:
so i told him, not everything comes in black n white
Ivy says:
"White??! white??! speak louder! i can't hear blue!"
Wee says:
but as loud as i shouted, he couldnt hear me. i started to feel kinda red in the face. but white could i blue?
Ivy says:
william got so upset and was so green with envy. so much so that he turned into an Ochre!
Wee says:
brown-llll!!!!!!
Wee says:
grrrr-ay!!!
Ivy says:
oh dear! the ochre is graying and browning in the rain! I have to get him an Umberlla!
Ivy says:
den we all got oh-so-bored with ms lye's lecture on dali and we yawned.."Rrrrrawww, Sieeennn- a!"
Wee says:
white umber shall we do?
Ivy says:
let's hide in maroon! (my room!)
Wee says:
but ms lye was none too happy about that. after all she had spent a lot of time on the lecture. in frustration, she shouted out to no one in particular that, sooner or later wed have to listen, and she was carmine to get us
Ivy says:
and the bitchy XXXXX gave her a seductive hooker's green. =)
Wee says:
and said in a most nonchalant tone, sap? *green*
Ivy says:
oh! ur flesh is tint!
Wee says:
but ms lye would have none of that. she responded with a quick "azure all so disobedient today, i have no choice but to punish you
Ivy says:
i balla go before i dilly-dali on my painting!
Ivy says:
i am rodin here!
Ivy says:
i bid thee farewell,
Ivy says:
Dada!
Wee says:
cya-n!

2005-01-31T23:21:00.000+08:00

Have I ever told you that
It ____ ____'_ ____ __ _____ __ be?
That the blanks are not necessary empty?
That the words are sometimes just blanks?

Have I ever told you that
You are beautiful in your own way?
Although bitterness tempts me to hate you, & to distort the truth,
At the end of the day,
I still see.

It is.
The way it is.
Cos it just is,
If we let it be.

2005-01-27T22:00:00.000+08:00

Today,
There are no "Angels" in my phone.
Can I wake up with a headache tomorrow?
I have no desire to go to school.
I thought...
Running would give me enough happy hormones.
I woke up...
Everything is tasteless.
Tasteless.
Nothing's done.
I just want a break.
Been whiny and grouchy.
Been angry.
Don't know.
Shit.

2005-01-27T10:12:00.000+08:00

Sometime in the not-so-distant future...

NURSERY TEACHER: (distractedly) Yes?

NURSERY BOY: Teacher teacher got gas leak.

(Gas leak hsst grows louder.)

Hahahahaha. With thanks to nette.

2005-01-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

2005-01-25T08:26:00.000+08:00

In the studio.Again.

Last night was pretty strange with all the strange info coming in.
Tsk.
Anyway, got so tickled by the anti- "Pro-Mr Pa Gan Da" Wee,
Who has never spoken that much till the magic document was sent to him.
Decided to just throw off art till another day
And today, Ms Hew came and stare at me with her bunny red eyes
Again demanding me to show her my measly amount of work.
:)
I really feel like showing everyone that magic document.
But it would be killing myself because I have got to be politically correct.
Wee told me that this friend of his could not get the scholarship
Because of the fact that she told the judges that she would put God before
Her country. That's sad, isn't it?
Don't they want to seek for worthy people with sincere hearts?
Or merely apple-polishers who would say anything just to get there?
Hmmm...
Oh well, lesson's like starting soon and I haven't done my annotations for
The play yet.
Seriously, I'm very confident of not getting a full cert for 'A' levels.
At this rate I'm going, no one who have predicted that I will not make it DEFINITELY
Won't be given the title as a prophet, cause it will become a F.a.c.t.
Someone tell me to study, please?
:)I'm looking forward to another achievement where I can showcase the love of God.
Even if I don't make it next year,
At least I tried.
Off to get my encouragement gummy bears, I hope!
If not, die Neonny, die!
Tata! :)

2005-01-24T23:16:00.000+08:00

Dear GOD,
Thank You so much.
.
.
.
.
.
For giving me Nessa & Gwen to cheer me up.
For giving me friends who would listen and pray with me.
For giving me my family.
For giving me inspirations.
For giving me a chance to be used by You.
For giving me money to buy my art materials.
For giving me music.
For giving me good health.
For giving me James+Anne+Kenni to stroll the Night Market with.
For giving me Anna and her smiles.
For giving me Tommy as a brother in Christ.
For giving me Neonny and Jacqueline.
For giving me Shihui and Peiling as good pals.
For giving me Nick to rant at.
For giving me Andrew and Hanqiang to guide me along.

LORD,
Thank You for being there still when I'm angry with You.
Thank You for comforting me when I'm afraid.
Thank You for giving me a heart that still has You in it.
Thank You for the sunshine on my hand when I put it out of the window in the morning.
Thank You for the breeze.
Thank You for listening to my love songs.
Thank You for singing them back to us.

& Thank You for the love that You have displayed for us on the cross.
Thank You for Your forgiveness.

Only You can blot them out, only You can.

2005-01-18T15:11:00.000+08:00

Oasis
Wonderwallby Noel Gallagher

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you.By now you should've somehow realized what you gotta do.I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

Backbeat the word was on the street that the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding,and all the lights that lead us there are blinding. There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how.

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me. And after all,You're my Wonderwall.

2005-01-16T16:18:00.000+08:00

Ah-ah! Morbid!

Seems like I should be getting somewhere, Somehow I'm neither here nor there... says: i got one song it the sebastian kena caught then getting cooked by the chef

Okay...So disney teaches little kiddos about the cruelty in meat eating eh?

Les poissons
Les poissons
How I love les poissons
Love to chop
And to serve little fish
First I cut off their heads
Then I pull out the bones
Ah mais oui
Ca c'est toujours delish
Les poissons
Les poissons
Hee hee hee
Hah hah hah
With the cleaver I hack them in two
I pull out what's inside
And I serve it up fried
God, I love little fishes
Don't you?

Here's something for tempting the palate
Prepared in the classic technique
First you pound the fish flat with a mallet
Then you slash through the skin
Give the belly a slice
Then you rub some salt in
'Cause that makes it taste nice

(Zut alors, I have missed one!)

Sacre bleu
What is this?
How on earth could I miss
Such a sweet little succulent crab?
Quel dommage
What a loss
Here we go in the sauce
Now some flour, I think
Just a dab
Now I stuff you with bread
It don't hurt 'cause you're dead
And you're certainly lucky you are
'Cause it's gonna be hot
In my big silver pot
Toodle loo mon poisson
Au revoir!

I'm aching.Hah-hah! Morbid lil' Neonny.

2005-01-16T15:52:00.000+08:00

There are so many things that I would like to tell someone.
But I just don't have enough people to say them twice to.
I'm still looking for my turn to breathe in the jam jar.
Though lacking of an opponent in the night time when the setting of the sun
Would bring me solace, feigned or not, it isn't quite as peaceful as I think it
Is. Absolutely nothing to speculate, just a competitor of a totally different specie
Breathing my source away.

Maybe its comprehension which I'm looking for.
But then again, maybe not. I would love to shrug my shoulders and walk away
During circumstances every now and then, keep silent when asked. No obligations,
Nothing.
I think its the kind, the silent kind which I would melt at. One which would not
Repeat it for the third time, giving me any opportunity to feel ashamed of my Plights and all the very
Personal emotions I have been bottling up.
Loyal,
Yet always encouraging.
I just hope you won't feel sad over what you don't cherish. To me, its merely
Nonsense. You still have time, but you won't budge. It's not that I don't understand.
But because I do, I'm keeping it from you.
Zero.
So sunshine, how are you feeling right now?
Well, for me its a shows-over & conviction-unwanted mambo-jumbo. I'm not sure whether I'm being unsure, or not?
Slurred, it is. Guess I really, really do want a break afterall and learn to
Do it on my own once again.
My duty kept me strong for 3 hours.
And I have a lifetime of that.
Tick, tick, ticking.
Aye, soldier of the secular world.

2005-01-14T23:50:00.000+08:00

Little secrets.
Little desires.
Little dreams.

Little prayers.
Little time.
Little voice inside of me.
Not me.
Little voice of the One in me.
In me.
Little.
Just a little love.
Little.
"Just a little bit closer, Just a little bit closer."
Little lives.
Little chores.
Little puddles.
Many little woes.
Little problems.
Big God.
Big God Who cares for the little.
What matters to you,
Matters to him.

2005-01-13T17:49:00.000+08:00

Hi, my name is ___.
I'm am going to be 18 this year.
One thing that people don't know about me is:
I am ashamed of being jaded.

"Please God. Please bless her with good health.
Really, really please give her the strength to go through all this.
Stop the disease from spreading, please.
Miracles are indeed your speciality.
In Jesus' Name, Amen."

2005-01-09T11:42:00.000+08:00

"Hello 2005,
I don't like the look on your face."

Waiting for a week to be over, is like squatting in this stuffy little cell.
And ta-dah! Saturday's happy-day, recharging-day, Church-day, Yay-day.

And 24 hours is what it has got. :(

People grow up new people come it some people go some relieve came and left in a little while on and off friendship checking for sms replies using you using me all so temporary getting mad and deserted for ten minutes and the next phase with a melted heart say, I do love you in the Lord after all.

Summer ferris wheel, merry go round and merrily may it be found,get married and become round. Cameras snapping at every puddle on the street, tall clambering street lights and pigeon-littered bridges. Black & white, never sepia,carrying a tinge of green and withered yellow ochre, thats you*, in your dark coloured trench coat hands in pockets walking away oblivious to the little children with their icecream cones, old peddlers and beautiful mothers, women you* passed by...

P
s
s
t
.
.
.

And, I'll never ever know the colours of yours* because I've never ever been there at all.

(*delete if inapplicable, upset the story with your absence.)

2005-01-07T23:12:00.000+08:00

Kruder & Dorfmeister.
Future Sound of Jazz.

Zapped.
Hearts away.

2005-01-04T01:29:00.000+08:00

I'll take a 45 bus ride and crash into the sea.
Will you still be in your dancers running after me?

Baby's got blue sky in her eyes.

2005-01-03T21:13:00.000+08:00

Talk.
Das.

2005-01-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

Yay, Gwen and Nessa sweet as gumballs I'm gonna see you both tomorrow!
Chew on that! :)

2005-01-02T01:11:00.000+08:00

2004-12-31T02:16:00.000+08:00

Just one of those days which I really hate art.
Well, "academic art" that is.
I need a few more day's grace. It's really more than I can handle now.
Really.
:(
So stressed up.

2004-12-30T18:13:00.000+08:00

I NEED TO SLEEP.

And I got woken up by three phonecalls.
GREAT. JUST GREAT.
I'm pissed.
Hope that I never get that again,
Unless I can profit from the call or whatever.
BLEAH.

2004-12-28T22:28:00.000+08:00

She held on to her mother's hand, kept walking with her head up, looking at the night sky.

Okay, I thought, maybe she's wondering why the moon is tagging? Or maybe she's really appreciating the beauty of God's works...

Grinning, I looked up. Down again, because I don't have a mother by my side whose hand I could have held on to, and it's just pretty silly for a "grown-up" to do that.
But I do that still, everytime after I go under the train tracks, praying for protection.

"If you keep looking up, you'll probably crash into something soon enough."
"It's a really foolish thing to do."
"It's embarassing."
"See, it doesn't make any sense."

No, not really.
He's beyond the sky. He's everywhere.
In those who believe in His Son, and the image of Him in man.
His creativity in what is around us.
His ability to provide in what that is coming in and out of our lungs,
Our breath of life. Uncountable, it is. There's way more.
If you don't believe in looking up, ask the people who have done so for direction.

He's so much more than that.
More than literally looking up.
Literally seeing.
Look up spiritually,
Let Him open up your spiritual eyes.
He's the Way,
The Truth
and the Light.
Our direction.

2004-12-28T22:25:00.000+08:00

"That's you, in a piece of cloud."

"See a sheep? The fluffiest one? That's you, in a piece of cloud."

And then a wind came by.

2004-12-26T17:03:00.000+08:00

You love God because you have everything.
Will you love Him if
One day,
Other than your heart, you have NOTHING else at all?

2004-12-26T01:28:00.000+08:00

Its 26/12/04 now.
But I don't care.
Merry CHRISTmas still.
Been busy, bossy, busy bossing.
The day came & passed.
Great, no more reason anymore.
Wonderful, 27 souls saved.
Wonderful, party in Heaven now.
Oh, Merry Christmas.
Green tea, Merci, Fudge & Cookies.
Alone with God.
Yup.
Merry Christmas.
Beautiful One.
Everyday is a day to thank God.

2004-12-21T01:57:00.000+08:00

Santa Monica - Savage Garden

In Santa Monica, in the winter time
The lazy streets so undemanding
I walk into the crowd

In Santa Monica, you get your coffee from
The coolest places on the promenade
Where people dress just so

Beauty so unavoidable
Everywhere you turn, it's there
I sit and wonder what am I doing here?

But on the telephone line I am anyone
I am anything I want to be
I could be a supermodel or Norman Mailer
And you wouldn't know the difference
Or would you?

In Santa Monica, all the people got modern names
Like Jake or Mandy
And modern bodies too

In Santa Monica, on the boulevard
You'll have to dodge those in-line skaters
Or they'll knock you down

I never felt so lonely
Never felt so out of place
I never wanted something more than this

But on the telephone line I am anyone
I am anything I want to be
I could be a supermodel or Norman Mailer
And you wouldn't know the difference

On the telephone line, I am any height
I am any age I want to be
I could be a caped crusader, or space invader
And you wouldn't know the difference
Or would you?

Mode: :(:(:(:(:( Don't read it that way, its :~( :~( :~( :~( :~(
:( ): :( ): :( ):

2004-12-20T01:41:00.000+08:00

Sorry.
Just cut loose.
Sorry.
Contain it.
Contain it, Father,
Fill me with Your Love and Peace.

2004-12-09T20:13:00.000+08:00

2004-12-06T23:55:00.000+08:00

2004-12-04T22:51:00.000+08:00

Devastated.

2004-12-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

Beauty is to admit that you are frail.
Beauty is to admit that it is just a flicker away
And that you are perfectly human with your very own weaknesses.
Beauty is to say that you need a gentle, loving God.
And indeed, God is the Author of beauty
Who can and will carry you through.

2004-12-03T18:34:00.000+08:00

Who Am I
by Casting Crowns

Album : Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

I have no idea how this song got into my playlist.
Have always been reading it as "Counting Crows" thus didn't bother
Till today! (Breath taking...)

2004-12-02T01:22:00.000+08:00

Can't believe how many mistakes I've made.
Yea I was thinking about how meaningless whatever is...
And wanted to get here.
blogless.com
blog.com
blogspot.com
blogger.com
Feeling so old.
The number of times I've forgotten completely
What I've wanted to say is somehow increasing.
Vexing! Like:
"Ma."
"Ya?"
"See la, I forgot what I want to say liao."
I can do this for a few times a day!
And before that, I could even forget to bring my Art proposal,
The Very Reason
Why I went to school today. Made a de-tour and head back to the station.
My head...
It's time I start forgetting and remembering things that I should forget or
Remember.
Yeah...Yeah.
Holidays are getting so busy and boring.
I've been dipping my head in mad rushes, dirty palettes, messy tables,
Loud auntie-sounding "Haiyas!" whenever a gust of wind picks up my papers
And scattering them around.
Wehheh. Uber whiny.
I think I'm getting a taste of my own poison.
Ack. If only I could manage a one-man+One God show here!

Anyways, talking about shopping,
Citylink MPH is quite a disappointment.
As if books will stay crumple/dog-ear free in my hands
But I still want to buy them new.
Ended up buying C4 Manila envelopes, blue pens, a scratched+folded+chipped
"Othello" (aaaawww...sobs) and a pretty neat lil' Jane Austen's "Persuasion"
With my brother's well-deserved, geek-wit-derived vouchers!
Ahh...Bliss. :)
Wait a sec...
Incase you think that I'm a chimo fan of classic plays or novels,
Way no. I so plain lazy.
Those are for next year's Literature lessons.
Hate counting down. Yucks. Will need alot of prayers for 2005.

Squirms.

2004-11-29T01:23:00.000+08:00

Dumpy Night.

Life.com
It's an American magazine website.

Death.com
It's for funeral services, accepting it and...dating too.

Birth.com
It's for anyone who wants to know what to do, and what does it do.

"but it's not always that clear..."
Sings Morcheeba into my headphones.

Switch off.